A Confession to Make

Mr President:

I approach you today with a heavy heart. I have a confession to make. When I'm done I will have lost any respect I may ever have had with my fellow Americans, but I can no longer remain silent. I must speak the truth, no matter the cost. Jimmy Carter was my favorite President. I thought he did a great job and I still miss him.

Jimmy began his professional life, like many American boys from the Heartland, by joining the military. He went to sea as a submarine sailor and was, by all accounts, a very good one. Being a submariner marks you for life in ways that it's difficult for the rest of us to understand or accept. Submarines are the most complicated, nonautomated, troubleprone machines ever devised by man. While submarines are an exclusively military piece of technology, no Rambo types inhabit their claustrophobic compartments and passageways. Submariners apply themselves to the task of mastering their environment and doing their jobs with an intensity that is not normal. The honesty and blunt frankness that characterizes the communication between submarine sailors is not often appreciated by outsiders. Half a century ago, Jimmy learned the secret that few know and fewer will admit. It doesn't matter what God you pray to, how much money you have, what your race is, or your sexual preference. What's important is that a shipmate will stand to his station, and do his job, and do it right, when the battle lanterns come on, and the air goes bad, and the water comes in.

I always thought that most of Jimmy's problems as President were related to his time as a submariner. There was never a lot of rosy scenario propaganda coming out of his Whitehouse. He told the truth as he saw it. When the corporations that ran the mines, mills and factories in the area we now call the Rust Belt, shut them down and took production overseas, there wasn't much he could do about it, and he said so. Nobody liked that. Today, we pretend that we can keep the economy going forever by cleaning each others swimming pools, selling each other cheap Chinese goods, and printing more money. We all know it's a lie, but we don't talk about it.

America might not be the place it once was and while I sincerely hope it's not true, you might be the President we deserve . As for myself, I'd be more comfortable with a man like Jimmy Carter. A man who would stand to his station, and do his job, and do it right, when the battle lanterns come on, and the air goes bad, and the water comes in.

Thanks for listening Mr. President. Why don't you go downstairs and have them make you a drink. Hell, have two, and a couple of lines of coke. I know, you won't be worth shit in the morning, but you're really not worth shit anyway.