Tracks End

The debate tonight will be John McCain's last chance to convince America that he is better able to serve as America's chief executive than Barry O. It really shouldn't be that hard. He just needs to reassure them that being fourth from the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy, as a legacy admission, is a more valid educational preparation than graduating Magna Cum Laude from Harvard Law School as Editor of the Law Review. He needs to remind people that only sixteen of his twenty two years in naval service were taken up by long, drunken binges of fornication and barroom brawling, punctuated regularly with negligent airplane crashes. He needs to show them that even though he is the oldest man who has ever run for President and his short term prognosis is guarded, he is more fit to handle the stress of the Presidency than a cool, athletic and decades younger man, with no known history of multiple stage IV malignancies. He needs to point out that the hordes of inbred, racist mutants, expected to come out of their trailer homes, survivalist bunkers and meth labs to vote for him on election day, barely tolerate him. They only tag along because of the presence of his running mate, who exercises over them some unnatural, pheromonal sex mojo, men and women alike. There is nothing to fear. He is a good man. He is a live man. He is a man capable of limited voluntary movement in all extremities, nominally oriented to his surroundings and whose speech, while slightly garbled, is intelligible and consistently more reasoned than random utterance. How many past Presidents could claim more than this?

Bob Schieffer, who will be moderator for tonight's debate, even though he is from Texas, is unfortunately, an unrepentant member of the wildly liberal mainstream media. He will try not to give John McCain the chance to present his case to the American people. He will instead ask only unfair and slanted questions. Questions about things the people don't care about or even need to know. The economy. Jobs. Social Security. Health care. Unilateral foreign wars for the establishment of petro-hegemony. Those damn liberals. So full of hate and secular humanism.