I knew this Gay priest once, at least he said he was a priest. I'm not sure what kind. We both had a lot of free time and drank at the same little strip mall bar, mornings. He was a smart guy, very funny, absolutely believed in God and wicked as a loan shark.
He told me he could convince young boys that his semen turned into Christ's tears in their rectum and that was why they might feel sad for a little while, after he fucked them.
I always thought that was the most original take on transubstantiation I ever heard and it makes a lot more sense than that bread and wine thing.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to him.